Cactuar Dance!
by Aka Pine
Summary: Zack tries to pass on his knowledge of the Cactuar Dance to his favorite Chocobo Head. Oh, Zack...


"And then…all these SPIKES flew out of my hair and took down the last of the enemy!"

Cloud Strife merely blinked at his companion's statement, and then rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. You expect me to fall for that Zack?"

Zack Fair did his patented pout that no one (except Sephiroth, and anyone blind) could resist.

Cloud visibly blanched. "Zack…"

"Spikey, don't you trust me?"

"In a life or death situation? Yes. When you're telling me bullshit stories? No."

"It's not bullshit!" The SOLDIER barked, earning a few giggles and titters from passing pedestrians.

"When you Summon a creature to help, you have to know what they'll want in return," Zack explained, sounding completely serious. "Tonberries want to frighten, so you pretend to cower in front of them. Chocobos are social, so they like it when you walk right up to them. And Cactuars-"

"Want you to dance with them," Cloud finished, rolling his eyes. "Nice try. You almost had me. Now if you'll excuse me-"

"C'mon, I'll even teach the dance to you!"

Cloud blinked at his grinning friend, and turned to leave.

"Spikey! Dude, c'mon! The chicks dig the Cactuar Dance!"

The blonde turned slowly and gave his friend a look. "Okay…you've just been upgraded from 'bullshit' to 'chocobo shit'. Now I gotta go."

Zack followed after him, sounding uncharacteristically unhappy. "Spike, I was hoping you wouldn't force me to do this," he said heavily.

THAT drew Cloud's attention back to his friend.

"I'm pulling rank, grunt."

Cloud stared, unbelieving. "Wait. You're pulling rank on me just to teach me a stupid dance?"

Zack nodded, smile gone. "Actually, if you ever get into Summoning, it'll be very important to know. Meet me in Training Room 49 in fifteen minutes. I know you have an hour break, and it shouldn't take that long to learn."

And with that, Zack did an about-face, and somehow managed to vanish in the coming crowd.

Twenty minutes later found the blonde waiting impatiently in the mentioned training room. He was sticking to the shadows cast by the large machinery; as an Army grunt, he really didn't have the clearance to be in here.

_Damn it Zack, where are you?_

"Hey, Chocobo Head!"

_Sneaky bastard._

"Wow, didn't know you could jump that high Unaltered," Zack beamed.

"Shut up and teach me your stupid dance."

Well, Zack hadn't lied when he said it wouldn't take long to get the dance down, Cloud mused as he headed down the empty hall back towards his barracks. And actually, even though he didn't believe the older boy when he said that girls would love it…it was actually…fun.

Giving into the simple impulse, Cloud went from a soft walk to an energetic hop.

_Hop one, hop two, hop one and quick twirl while twisting arms and bow!_

Cloud snickered as he did it perfectly. Well, Zack was good for a few laughs at least-

"Cadet Strife."

Cloud froze at that voice. No, no no no, that couldn't be who he thought it was. There was no way HE would be in this corridor this time of the day watching a grunt make a fool of himself…

He turned slowly, blue eyes wide as he stared up at who the voice belonged to.

"G-General," he gulped.

Sephiroth considered him for a long moment, and then, to Cloud's perpetual terror, smiled.

_Oh shit._

To see the Silver General was considered a treat to most of the cadets, especially the Infantry Army, since they did not work with him as directly as the SOLDIERS did.

But to have him in one of their classes giving a short lecture…well, too bad for the other classes, because they had the General!

"-and so, when Summoning, one must remember what each particular Summon's personality is like. For example, making a bawdy joke in front of Shiva will more likely than not get your dicks frozen, or if she's feeling kind, a roundhouse kick to the head. Now, when you Summon actual creatures, one of the first ones you will be able to Summon is the Cactuar. All that they require is that you dance with them before they help you defeat your enemy."

Green cat eyes slid over to the edge of the stage. "Cadet Strife, if you would be kind enough to show the men the dance?"

Burning red, Cloud shuffled towards the General, trying to ignore his audience.

_I'm going to kill Zack…_

* * *

_****__Yeah...so I saw this video on youtube where Zack summons a cactuar, and...well, this was before I got curious about FF VII, and I just thought it was one of the cutest/funniest things I'd ever seen. Thus, this was born. I haven't played the games myself, but I've watched others, and hopefully this wasn't too out of character for these guys. _

**_I am particularly proud of my Sephiroth. Doesn't say much, but I think it works *puffs out proudly*_**

**_Let me know what you think!_**


End file.
